The DeEvolution Of Thought: The Thinker

IT JUST HAPPENED; I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF!

In The News - Kris Kristofferson (Rhodes Scholar) Sound On Please

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.

She spent that night at
her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and
employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

I read The Constitution, I faked that one in school, and now it made sense.
What was going on around me didn’t seem to any more.
I reread The Declaration of Independence and found myself excited.

I reread The Gettysburg Address and Macarthur’s farewell at West Point,
And I was moved to tears. I could hear the voice of JFK in my head when I read his Inaugural Address and trembled at Martin Luther King’s words.

Oh what was happening to me?

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me
to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college
professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on
thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with
the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

A cup of Camus, a slug of Sartre, I needed a think!

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.
I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran
up to the big glass doors. They didn't open.
The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra,

A poster caught my eye,

"FRIEND, IS HEAVY THINKING RUINING YOUR LIFE?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting.

I have resigned my book club, burned my Library card and my only subscription

Left is to Sports Illustrated.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

And the ever reminding poster on the wall; a homeless person asleep in alley,

Under the words: “Beware of thinking people, for they are dangerous!”

Has become a reminding comfort, like a Linus Blanket.

It rang true now; I understood now…I had seen the light!
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step!

I JOINED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.